I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
