so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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