btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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