He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
