3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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