Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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