My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
