i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
