k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
