big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
