I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize