Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
