Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
