Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
