First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
