I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
