a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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