Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
