i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My bed smells like the plague
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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