My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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