Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
