It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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