I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
