Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
