Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
