Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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