He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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