You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
