I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
