while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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