God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
