I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize