I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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