Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
