You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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