girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
