...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
