im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
