Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
