i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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