I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
