Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
