it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
