hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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