plz talk dirty to me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
