Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My ass is underappreciated
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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