Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
