Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
