I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
