I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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