why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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