Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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