discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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