You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
