I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i now understand why vodka
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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