Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
