She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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