so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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