three words: i give head
three words: not that well
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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