im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
