Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
