i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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