clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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