I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
